Clouds Up
by orpheneritus
Summary: [GakutoYuushi] The realisation of happiness after it is gone.


'Do you love me, Yuushi?' he asks leaning back against the chain link fence.

You shrug, squinting into the sun. 'I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.'

Gakuto nods. 'That's not love.'

He reaches over and grabs your water bottle from the bag. His hair slides across his neck, a soft shift of silk. You inhale his scent, feel his warmth. You smile when he grabs your thigh to support himself. His hand is hot and close to your groin.

This is how it begins.

Gakuto leans in close, his skin flushed with warmth. You touch his neck first. You like the way it makes him quiver. He smiles. The smile that is only for you. The smile he can't stop.

'Come sit,' you say pulling him down into your lap. He straddles your lap and sits back on your thighs with a smile.

He thinks it's cute to be a little coy… It is.

You frown, 'are you going to sit that far away?'

He shuffles a little closer, but not close enough. You bend your legs and he topples into your chest with a laugh.

'Yuushi?'

You shush him, pressing your fingers against his soft lips and look up into his angular face. His brown eyes regard you openly, questing for something.

Sinking your fingers into his hair and pulling him closer, you taste him.

He's always hesitant at first, his lips uncertain against your own. A surge of arousal rushes through you as his mouth parts hotly beneath your own with a small trembling moan. His hands clutch at your arms and you pull his body tightly against yours so he can feel your hardness. His hands tighten around your neck, his tongue presses deeper into your mouth. You want to consume him.

He pulls away with a gasp and rests his forehead against yours. You stroke his neck teasingly. 'Yuushi?'

'Mmm?'

'Do you love her?'

Your hand stalls momentarily, you don't talk about her when you're with Gakuto. 'Not really,' you reply.

'You have sex with her, though.'

It wasn't a question that needed an answer. You press your hips forward rubbing your hardness against his groin.

'Is it nice?' he asks with a moan.

'It's sex.' He looks annoyed with you. '…it's nice,' you amend.

He nods and pressing back against you with a small smile. 'It must be better than nice…' he muses.

'Not really,' you reply again, intent on sliding his shirt up his chest.

His nipple tightens under your mouth; you smile and suck a little as he squirms in your lap.

You're surprised when he says, 'maybe we should do it.'

His hand is slowly carding through your hair, fingertips massaging your scalp. 'Why now?' you ask. After a number of refusals you figured on waiting until the holidays before trying again.

His gaze slides away, he looks into the distance, and bites his fingernails. A sign of nerves.

You gently pull his hand from his mouth by one thin wrist. 'Why now?' you repeat.

His fingers glide gently across the palm of your hand and intertwine with your fingers. You squeeze his hand gently.

Gakuto leans into your chest, and tucks his head over your shoulder. '… I love you, Yuushi,' his voice quivers over the shell of your ear. '_It's a goodbye present._'

'…'

His hands press over your mouth as you try to speak. He shakes his head. So you do the only thing you can do.

His body is supple and unhesitant under your hands. You pull his shirt over his head and undo the front of his school trousers. He trusts you completely and you don't know why, because you don't deserve it.

You roll him gently onto his back. He lies there in his boxers, looking nervously back at you as you divest yourself of clothing.

You're naked kneeling above him. His gaze is drawn down your body and you harden further as it rests on your cock that stands out proudly. You draw your hand down his trembling stomach and catch the waistband of his shorts to draw them down his slim legs and over his feet.

You have never seen him like this. Flushed with self-consciousness, he lies long and lean before you, everything bared for your sight, his hair spread beneath him like a crimson crown. He's beautiful.

'What do you want me to do?' he asks.

You have the selfish urge to reply, _stay_, but you resist.

He cries out when your lips wrap around the head of his cock. His hands clench viciously pulling your hair, as your tongue dances along the under side of the head. Your groan causes his legs to tremble with strain. You sink down on him opening your mouth to allow his erection to slide slickly through your lips. You breathe in the heady smell of his sex. He thrusts eagerly into your mouth; you can just hear his voice over the rush of blood and sweat. He's murmuring your name sweetly.

You grope for your bag and pull it closer, searching by touch, for the tube of lubricant. You pause as you brush over the foil pack condoms. You should use one, but you want to be skin to skin.

He is slick with sweat and panting when you finally bring your bared flesh to rest against his wet opening. When you push the head past the tight ring of muscles, his eyes squeeze shut for a moment. You're worried that he'll ask you to stop, and you don't think you could, with his ass squeezing you tight. You let him set the pace, trembling to control the ripples of pleasure that each tentative thrust sends through you.

You tremble above him, watching as his face shifts with emotions. His mouth meets yours ferociously as he presses back. The thin veneer of your control is dissolved and a groan rumbles from your groin through your body. You pull back and thrust into him with a slap of your bodies. You glide over his sweat slicked body, driving yourself to climax in his tight ass.

'Gakuto,' you grunt as his hand sinks into your wet hair, an awkward caress. 'I lo—'

'No,' he cries, his muscles tensing and driving you closer to climax. 'You can't Yuushi.' He comes, his face pressed into your shoulder. 'How could I believe you?' he whispers.

He is right. Not even you are convinced of the truthfulness of your words at this moment.

Gakuto's legs wrap around your waist as he thrusts languidly into your stomach. Griping his body close, you shudder with your release.

Leaning back against the fence, your shirt draped over your lap, you watch him. Gakuto is quietly gathering his clothing. He frowns and says 'We should've used condom.'

You're a real jerk. 'Sorry.'

'My fault,' he replies pulling his shirt over his head. 'It wasn't planned.'

'Can we talk about this?' you ask.

Gakuto shakes his head. 'I can't, Yuushi.'

'Why?'

He kneels in front of you, his bag slung over his shoulder. '…you don't love me. I'd go crazy.' He bites his lip, struggling with his words. 'I wanted you to have this… I wanted to have it too.'

'_Goodbye present…_' you echo.

He smiles. His smile is a little freer and you realise that it's not for you.

Most of the things you want in life come easily. Tennis is the only thing you work hard for. It fills your empty house with sound, your empty bed with dreams, and your empty heart with passion.

As you sit naked in the grass, watching Gakuto walk away, feeling your life drain away, you wonder what part of you Gakuto fills, and why you hadn't noticed.


End file.
